Some Trends Worth Noting

There are two trends (of many) that I've noticed over the past few years, while reading various blogs that identify, to varying degrees, with feminism (and in the case of the blogs that I've been reading, usually qualified with "Christian" or "Catholic").

Dalrock's post on men "manning up" and marrying "non-zero-N women" (http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/how-should-christian-men-respond-to-slutty-women-marry-them/, et al) highlights the tendency of certain Christian (including Catholics, Orthodox, etc) groups to ignore consequences of premarital sex and/or to act to force certain people (men, in this case) to accept the risks resulting therefrom. Various bloggers in the Manosphere, be they Christian or atheist (e.g. Athol Kay), recommend that men marry a virgin (for reasons of divorce risk, infidelity risk, bonding, STDs, femininity, etc). Statistically this is not an impossible task (the latest NSFG data states that 34% of married women have only had one sexual partner [recognizing that some are lying, of course]), but I've noticed a few more interesting hindrances than societal decline.

Firstly: I've noticed that virgin women (but not men) are inclined to call the opposite sex's insistence on virginity a "creepy virginity fetish" (or something along those lines - including references to the Madonna/whore complex [though, in reality, almost entirely inapplicable to virgin men]) and to refuse to date such men (usually accompanied with personal attacks, and the like).

I have several theories as to why this is the case, but I think one seems more likely than rest: the constructing of a pseudo-virtue of accepting sexual pasts and associating it directly with other virtues (e.g. forgiveness, via conflation with acceptance). A thread (http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=818007 - plenty of fodder for other topics, too) popped up on CAF a while back, and one of the posts had the following (which serves as a general example of the kind of posts I'm thinking of):

"If your fiance is truly a 'good guy,' he will understand and forgive you."

What I think has ended up happening can be described with the following syllogism (modus tollens - though, with faulty premises):

If a man has some [desirable quality], then he will overlook a sexual history,
He does not overlook a sexual history,
Therefore, he lacks that [desirable quality].


It has been plainly stated in comment sections (usually by women) on the above-mentioned types of blogs that men who will not overlook a certain sexual history will be unforgiving, controlling (though, they are in reality being the controlling ones), etc, in marriage - I think this is due precisely to the conclusion from the above in the minds of those people. It seems closely related to the "man up" mantra.



Secondly: another trend I've noticed is the outright (or near outright) refusal to disclose any sexual history whatsoever (even if it does pose significant health risks, and even if it is exemplary [i.e. no sexual experience at all]), almost exclusively on the part of women (or, in advice directed towards them, by older men and women). Basically, it seems like the approach outlined here: http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2008/12/20/415-virtual-virginity-20/ (The author of that post states elsewhere: "Everybody makes mistakes. Recovery is everything, and virtual virginity provides it for past sexual mistakes.") He goes on extensively about "image management" on that topic (at least 50 posts), e.g.: http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/1890-make-marriage-work-addition-06-sexual-history/, http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2010/05/27/935-virgin-keep-it-secret-%E2%80%94-part-i/, http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2010/05/28/936-virgin-keep-it-secret-%E2%80%94-part-ii/, http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/1447-none-of-your-business/, http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/940-virgin-bride-actual-or-virtual/, etc etc (I cite that blog simply because it has the least "scurrility"). A Catholic blog (http://seraphicsinglescummings.blogspot.ca/ - quite frustrating to read, in general), written for young Catholic women, stipulates that virginity (or lack thereof) should be revealed only when "the wedding date is set, a hall is rented, and the invitations are sent out" - to quote her. Of course, there are many other examples to be found.


It should be noted, though, that modern research generally warns against such approaches (e.g.: Berg, John H., and Ronald D. McQuinn. "Attraction and exchange in continuing and noncontinuing dating relationships." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 50.5 (1986): 942, Cavalie, Carlos. Disclosure of sexual history in hook ups, short and long-term relationships. Diss. Rutgers University-Camden Graduate School, 2010, Greene, Kathryn, and Sandra L. Faulkner. "Gender, belief in the sexual double standard, and sexual talk in heterosexual dating relationships." Sex Roles 53.3-4 (2005): 239-251, etc). STDs and divorce risk seem to be far from the minds of many. Differential fecundity (ironically, affecting women the most), investment syndrome, relationship inertia, and so forth, seems to have the above approach leading to even higher risk of marital dissatisfaction, and a higher risk of women improperly investing time (e.g. a year) with a man who would end up not marrying her.